Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
