It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
