They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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