I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
