i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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