After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
