it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
honey bunches of taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize