no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
