I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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