he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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