It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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