I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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