buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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