After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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