Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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