The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
