3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
