I will die if light touches me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
