the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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