Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize