I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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