i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
