foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
