They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Are my feet made of real feet?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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