he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
