No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
