I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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