Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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