I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
