In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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