I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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