You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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