I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need moral support for this bender
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
