i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
