They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
