well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
