Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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