Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
