you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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