She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
