Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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