I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
