I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
