We won't sleep together?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
