my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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