His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
