True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
