8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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