I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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