I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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