peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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