Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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