His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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