all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
