at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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