Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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