i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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