So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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