i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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