i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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