covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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