my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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