I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize