Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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