you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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