I hate your face
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
