Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Soap is not a condiment
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
